Tale of a Lazy Ninja
by A Generic MC
Summary: Kise is lazy. He has a cute childhood friend. He's going to be... A HAREM KING! Just kidding. However, this will be the coming-of-age story of Kise and those around him... sit back and watch as all hell breaks lose. Will Kise find motivation, or nah? I'm the type of person that kills off loved characters btw...so don't expect this to be cliched. X). submit OCs if u want
1. Chapter 1

**AN: So yea. If you wanna give some input on how the story should go down, shoot me dead. Please don't actually do that. I have a vague idea of where I'm going with this, but it's open as fuck. If you think he should turn into a sasquatch and fuck Tsunade's brains out, go ahead and suggest that. I'll probably be doing future lemons, but there's multiple things I'll be taking reader input on.**

* * *

Takahashi Kise (key-say). Twelve years of age, fourth and last year of the Ninja Academy. Medium length silver hair (darker than Kakashi's, mind you), gray eyes, and dark tan skin, slightly above the average height for his age. Someone who doesn't stand out, and seems to be indifferent as to where he stands on the popularity charts. Around the top of his class, but never higher than third.

He's lazy and he knows it, but no matter how much Iruka Sensei tells him to stop sleeping in class, he falls asleep anyways. It's normally during Ninja History class, most likely because he believes that it doesn't matter. If the people he learns about are dead, why should he need to learn about them? He figured if past shinobi somehow got resurrected, it wouldn't be any different from facing a shinobi from a different village.

And here he was. In another Ninja History class. Completely tuning out Iruka Sensei. He was just about to fall asleep when he felt someone nudge him.

"Ki-san. Wake up! If he scolds you again, you'll have extra homework to do. I don't want you make me help you with it because you weren't listening to what he said."

He didn't hear who it was, and didn't care.

"This class is boring. I think I'll keep sleeping until it's over."

He was just about to fall asleep when he felt a stinging pain in his arm and awoke with a jolt. Looking to his side, he saw that it was his childhood friend, Ayumi. She was looking down at him with a pouty face, as she often did when he was slacking.

"Can you at least try not to slack off for the last two weeks before we can graduate? I'd like to be on a team with you, but that won't happen if they don't allow you to pass for laziness. Fall asleep again, and I'll kill you." She put on an incredibly kind smile as she said this, as if she didn't realize what she was saying.

"If I didn't know you as well as I do, I'd seriously think that you were a serial killer" he replied.

"So mean!" said Ayumi, as she pretended to cry.

Kise sighed. Ayumi is the person that he knows the best. She lives a few houses down from him, and they have been friends ever since they were four. He's able to answer nearly any question about her, whether he likes it or not. Her favorite color is blue, her favorite food is ramen, her horoscope sign is Aquarius, she once cried (for real) when Kise called her a poopyface, and she prefers white panties over black. Someone hearing that from Kise may think he's a pervert, but it's actually because she told him in an attempt to seduct him into giving her the last piece of candy out of a bag of snacks he had. It didn't work.

Ayumi is perfect, Kise thought. She's always high in the class rankings like Kise, and she's naturally a kind and hardworking person. Not only that, but with her fair skin, blue eyes, and long blonde hair that she keeps in a ponytail, she's a beauty. Of course, Kise would be hated if she was the most popular. He didn't want to have any beef with anyone else, so he was grateful that there were other girls for the horny plebs to flock to.

However, perfect as she may be, he doesn't see her in a romantic way. He's too lazy for a relationship, just like he's too lazy for Ninja History class.

Neither Kise nor Ayumi noticed that Iruka had been listening to their entire conversation, but Kise knew that the fact that he was sleeping was known to Iruka.

"Gonna say something to defend yourself, Kise-kun?"

"For sleeping in class, or talking in class?" Kise replied.

"Sleeping. I'm sure your conversation was sparked because of that" said Iruka, glancing at Ayumi, who was smiling innocently.

"Hmm... let's see... I was dreaming about how cool Ninja History class is?" Kise offered.

"Not dreaming about doing two hundred laps around the training area to make up for it in Taijutsu training class?" questioned Iruka, sarcastically.

It was going to be a long day.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N- Yo. I'm back. You guys better get ready because... you're in for a wild ride. After going to Siberia and training in the mountains and then going to Japan and wrestling a bear and then taking on a gang of criminals back home, I figured it all out. Buckle up bois cuz I'm bout to show you the definition of BUTTWIPE.**

Buttwipe

1-A crappy person.

2-Anything used to wipe one's butt

 **You can thank urban dictionary for that one. Anyway, here we go.**

 _It was two weeks later at the day of graduation. Kise had slept through every single class, but still managed to pass because he aced the final exam. Iruku was assigning teams to the ex-academy students._

"Alright, alright, settle down" he said.

"The first team, Team Two, don't ask me why they aren't in order, will consist of Takahashi Kise, Ito Izumi, and… uh… let me find it."

Iruka began to flip through a packet, and Kise, who was awake in the academy for once, glanced over at Ayumi. She was sweating and tapping her left index finger furiously.

"You're not seriously that nervous about which team you're on, are you?" he asked.

"No, of course not. It's just warm in here." replied Ayumi.

"Ah, there it is. Suzuki Ayumi. You three will be under the instruction of Inoue Akane." announced Iruka.

There was a wave of murmurs and whispers throughout the room.

"Woah, wasn't that woman a hero in the Third Ninja War?" said a girl.

"Yea, I heard she was only thirteen but had over two dozen confirmed kills!" said a boy.

"I also heard that she's hot as fuck dude." said another boy.

Kise had heard of Inoue Akane before. It was probably something he overheard in a conversation between his parents.

"Man, Kise is lucky. He's got a team full of babes!" whispered someone sitting behind Kise.

 _Oh boy. At least I'm being hated for this after we're graduating from the academy._

Kise yawned, and closed his eyes. Now that he knew what he needed, he could take a nap until they were aloud to leave.

"Not so fast, Kise." said Iruka.

Kise lazily opened his eyes and looked at Iruka.

"Inoue-san said that she'd like to meet you three as soon as possible. Apparently she's going to test you in order to find out how strong you are. Team Two is to report to training field three as soon as possible.

 _I didn't sign up for this. I'll probably just skip it._

"You're not skipping anything Ki-san. Come on, let's go." said Ayumi.

 _I swear she can read my mind._

Ayumi stood up, grabbed Kise's hand, and half-dragged him out of the room. Once they were outside, she let go of him.

"Say, do you know who the third member on our team is?" questioned Ayumi.

"Yea, I do." said Kise.

Ito Izumi. She was a girl who was in the next class over. He knew her because when the final exam grades were posted, Kise was first while she was second, and she decided to see what Kise was like. She walked over to their classroom, and (rudely) woke up Kise from a nap he was taking. She didn't seem to accept the fact that someone like Kise scored higher than her. She stood in front of Kise's desk with her arms crossed, eyes glaring down at him with malice for a solid ten seconds before mumbling something about trash beating her by a point before leaving. He knew it was her because she wore a nametag. Why she actually still wore the name tag given to students at the start of the year, he didn't know. Kise could tell from this encounter that she was both a teacher's pet, and a perfectionist.

"Do ya think she's someone we'll get along with?" asked Ayumi.

"I dunno. As long as she doesn't constantly annoy me I think she'll be fine. It's the instructor that I'm looking forward to meeting. She sounds interesting." replied Kise.

"Waaah? You're actually looking forward to something?" said Ayumi, with a surprised look on her face.

"There are things I look forward to occasionally, you know. I'm not emo. By the way, we're late. We should get going."

 **A/N- Alright. That was very short. Then again, so was the first one. However, I now have an idea of where I'm going with this. Hopefully I'll feel like writing regularly. Probably not though. Unless you buttrape me with reviews. Bye bye!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N- Ayyyyy bois... skipping school because I didn't have anything going on. So here I am. About to write another chapter. Hopefully it will be longer, but I haven't even thought it through yet so IDK. Here we go.**

It only took the pair five minutes to get to the training grounds. When they arrived, they immediately saw two figures in the clearing. Kise assumed that the one wearing the Jonin vest was Inoue, while the other one was Ito. Inoue was a very young looking adult with long, wavy, dark black hair, pale skin, and sinister looking red eyes. She seemed to be taller than Kise by a few inches. She looked as if she didn't care much about anything, similar to Kise. Ito was nearly the exact opposite of Inoue. She was around the same height as Ayumi and had brown hair. Her green eyes seemed as though she was constantly seeing the world in a manner which was condescending.

"Hi! Sorry we're late, someone just happened to be too lazy to hurry." said Ayumi, glancing at Kise and giving him a pouty face.

"Of course he was too lazy, that trash never puts any effort into anything." said Ito.

"Except on that final exam. Didn't I score higher than you?" said Kise, grinning.

"Are you picking a fight?" replied an angry Ito, cracking her knuckles as she said so.

"If it means I can wipe that condescending look off your face, yes, I am." retorted Kise.

Just before the two were about to throw down, Inoue intervened.

"Both of you calm down. I'm testing you. If you three can't pass this test, you'll be put back into the academy anyways. Then you can both retake the final exam. Maybe."

Kise calmed down nearly instantly, as if he was never agitated in the first place. Ito on the other hand, backed off very reluctantly.

"Alright, the test is simple. You three will be tied together-"

"Do I really have to be tied to him?" said Ito, sounding annoyed.

"Yes. It's part of the test. Once you're tied up, you will be given a five minute head start to run into the forest. Once the five minutes are up, I'm going to hunt you down. If I find you, I'm going to kill you. So don't get found. The way you win is by surviving for an hour."

Kise had a mild look of shock on his face, while the other two looked horrified. It wasn't because they were afraid of _what_ the Jonin had said, but because of _how_ she said it. Inoue had said it very matter-of-factly, and sounded as if she truly didn't care whether they lived or died.

"Wait... what?" asked a horrified Ito.

"Hurry up and get together so I can tie you up. I don't have all day." said Inoue.

The three adolescents grouped up back to back, and Inoue tied them up. She then removed a stop-watch from a pocket of her vest, and set the timer.

"Alright. Ready? Go."

The bundle of near-teenagers began to stumble into the forest. Ayumi and Ito were practically dragging Kise.

"She looked serious about killing us Ki-chan. I don't want to die this early in my life. Please, put some effort into it. Just this once." said Ayumi.

Kise hadn't heard her call him Ki- _chan_ in a very long time. The last time Ayumi called him that was when she fell into a river once when they were little and cried for help. He didn't understand why she only called him that in scary situations, but he did realize that neither Ayumi or Ito were thinking straight.

"Stop." said Kise.

"Are you dumb? She's going to kill us!" spat Ito.

"She's a Jonin, she'll catch up to us even if we do run. We can't hide either because her sensory skills are likely top tier. We also can't just stall out the timer in a fight either, because she'll easily kill us within an hour. We could surrender... but I'm not going back to the academy. The only way to beat her is to take her by surprise and somehow prevent her from moving." replied Kise in a very calm manner.

"And how do you suppose we do that?" asked Ito.

"First of all, she never said that we couldn't untie ourselves once we were in the forest. Let's start by doing that." he said.

"She tied the rope super tightly... this knot isn't coming undone." said Ayumi.

"We'll need to cut the rope then. You see that rock over there? It seems to have a sharp edge. We should be able to use that to cut the rope. Start moving." replied Kise.

The trio barely made it an inch before they fell over. The rock was off the path, and there we many roots for them to trip on. When they tried to get up, they failed. After two more attempts, Ayumi said,

"This isn't working. Try turning around, it may be easier that way.".

After turning around, the three were able to get up with ease.

"We only have two more minutes." said Kise.

Ayumi and Ito were both quite noticeably blushing.

"What's the matter with you two?" he said.

"Ki-chan... y-you... uh..." Ayumi was looking to her side, but occasionally glanced straight down as she stuttered.

Kise noticed this, and looked down. He immediately became embarrassed and also began to blush when he saw that he had a boner. He hadn't even realized it.

"Pervert." said Ito, blushing and glaring at Kise as she said this.

"I'm not a pervert, and I'm sorry, but try to ignore it. Can you see the rock yet? We should be close." said Kise.

"It's next to my foot. Pervert. Try to lower yourselves so the rope is on the edge of the rock." said Ito.

After lining the rope up with the rock, the three began to move in a manner that would make the rock cut the rope. Thirty seconds later, the rope was cut and the trio was free. Ayumi stood up and brushed herself off before saying,

"Ki-san, I'm going to kill you if we survive this."

"Please don't." he replied.

Normally, he wouldn't have taken her seriously but in the situation they were in now, he wasn't so sure if she actually would.

"So, that was the easy part. Now how do we restrain Inoue-sensei?" asked Ito.

 **"I don't know, how** ** _do_** **we restrain Inoue-sensei?"**

Time seemed to slow down as Kise looked up in horror. Inoue was sitting on a tree branch right above their heads, with a smile on her face as she twirled a kunai in her hand. She then tossed it into the air, caught it by the handle, and threw it. He saw the kunai moving toward Ayumi, very slowly. However, he couldn't move his body.

 _Move..._

The kunai was a quarter of the way to Ayumi.

 _Why can't I move?_

The kunai was halfway there.

 _Move!_

Just before the Kunai hit Ayumi, Kise pushed Ayumi out of the way and the kunai grazed his shoulder.

Kise grit his teeth, but shook off the pain. It wasn't even close to the worst pain he'd ever felt.

"By the way, I'm still here." said Inoue as she jumped from the tree.

She landed a few feet away from Ito and Kise. Ayumi was on the ground behind them, seemingly horrified.

"Alright, which of you wants to die first?" said Inoue.

"I don't know about her, but I sure as hell am not dying in some stupid test." replied Kise.

"Oh? Is that so?" questioned Inoue. "I supposed I'll have to kill you first."

Inoue lunged at Kise. He took a step back, and tripped on a root. As he stumbled, Ito jumped in front of him. The kunai was just about to hit her when Inoue stopped and said,

"Alright, that's enough. You all pass."

All three had a look of shock on their faces.

"Are you joking?" said Kise.

"No. I was seeing how you three would work together in a life or death situation. That's pretty much it. I wasn't actually going to kill any of you." she said.

Ito then fell to a sitting position and sighed a breath of relief. Kise did the same. However, before they could truly relax, Inoue said,

"Don't sit down just yet. It's getting late. Your parents are probably worried. Oh yea, I got these for you."

She pulled three headbands out of her vest, and held them out in front of her. All three now-Genin adolescents instantly shot to their feet and took a headband, each with a smile on their face.

 **A/N- Whew. That took forever. It's probably not even that long either, but I take forever to write this stuff. Cya next time!**


End file.
